I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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