mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the day after is always just damage control
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
