god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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