I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl is more easily done than said...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
