I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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