I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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