i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
