i don't plan on having that self control this summer
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.