It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.