she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing