She went from zero to smokin in five shots
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.