those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
