I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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