i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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