Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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