Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and she was petting her beer can
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
