Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
