Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize