one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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