some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
