ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's shark week go big or go home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
