These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Less talking, more tequila
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
