Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
