They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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