so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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