just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
