I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
