Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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