What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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