there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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