well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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