Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
