so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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