I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
