Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
