So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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