I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
