my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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