And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
