I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
