Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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