i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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