i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
