Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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