i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
