In the future we'll all be gay
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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