Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
