I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
