I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dick very happy bro
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
