he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
