Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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