you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
