Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
