I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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