you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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