Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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