you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My life is pants optional.
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