I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
