I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
