four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
