She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
