he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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