im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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