Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize