She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
