fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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