I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
