That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
