Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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