I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize