trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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