But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
