And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
