my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just want nice things and good sex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
