im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
