U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
