wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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