Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
