Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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