Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
