I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
