dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
His nipple licking is glorious
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