Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
