either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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