Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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