from now on my penis is your penis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
