the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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