i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
