Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize